Black list: what men dislike about single women

21 Jul

Some of you may have seen this article on SMH the other day (thank you to the wing-girl who pointed it out to me), which lists what men dislike about single women:

  • Women have lengthy checklists. (Perhaps this has evolved for survival purposes.) 
  • She must be single for a reason…and that’s a turn off. (Umm…are you planning to date women who aren’t single?)
  • She’s dated my mate…or has too many previous partners. (I’ll give them the ‘she’s dated my mate’ excuse but I’m wondering if they think it’s ok if they’ve had lots of partners…)
  • She’s too available. (Ice Queen is better?? I thought guys were intimidated by women being too independent.)

Before your curl into the foetal position after reading this article, keep in mind that there’s no information about how many guys contributed to this list, or who they were. I’m not prepared to carve this information into stone if it was just a handful of disillusion guys who’d recently been on the receiving end of a break-up. I posted a comment asking for more information, so hopefully we’ll gain some perspective.

In the meantime, have you ever been passed over or dumped because of any of the above reasons?


7 Responses to “Black list: what men dislike about single women”

  1. James July 22, 2010 at 2:29 am #

    Most of the listed traits could equally be applied to single or non-single women. As any person will likely be both at various times in their life, I think it’s just a bit of gossip-column confection.

    The author’s only evidence is taken from some equally facts-lite blog. I think she just picked a nice-sounding but vacuous theme and then pressed a few of her dodgier mates for any comments that would support it.

    I think, for a woman, being single means being picky. No guy is going to think that’s a bad thing if they are the one who is eventually picked.

    • Lucie Stevens July 22, 2010 at 9:40 pm #

      Hurrah to that James! Thank god there are guys out there like you who remind us that, just like not all single women are violently independent yet clingy, weirdo, ‘sloppy seconds of a mate’ with long lists freaks, not all guys are passing judgement on us for being single.

  2. Rister July 22, 2010 at 10:14 am #

    Thats why I like to mix OUTSIDE my circle of friends. Not that I am any of the above (okay I am picky!) but that way the guy has no idea how available you are (unless you totally throw yourself on him the first night and lets just say that ‘if’ I was to do that then I am not looking to that guy as my next stable mate!).

    I have a real issue with people knowing my business. Even my friends! (no bad history just insecure and paranoid much?)So I would like to approach or be approached by a guy that doesn’t know a thing about me and hopefully from there through amazing banter and laughter (plus who can resist my smart arse wit) we would both get a rather good impression of each other. ‘Good’ as in real, it doesn’t mean that we need to swap numbers at the end of the night but lets be honest first impressions ALWAYS count.

    From this yes, he may just suspect that I am picky however to echo the sentiments of James above, ‘No guy is going to think that’s a bad thing if they are the one who is eventually picked’.

    As for the other items on the blacklist – its how as women we carry ourselves. Why the heck can a guy on the first time meeting a woman be able to judge wether or not we are too available or have lengthy checklists? Are we sharing too much information or does our body language and actions project unfavourably? Are we over doing the sell in desperation or is it all simply poor judgement on the guys part?

    • Lucie Stevens July 22, 2010 at 9:48 pm #

      Some good points Rister, although I prefer that word ‘private’ to ‘insecure’ or ‘paranoid’. I fall into this category too, so sharing on this blog has been a big adjustment for me.
      I think there’s a lot to be said for mixing with people outside your circle of friends. That way you and the guy get to form your own opinions about each other and you also open yourself up to a whole new social circle. In time this might help one of your single sisters out and it’ll provide you with experiences you wouldn’t otherwise have.

  3. mindybeaver August 10, 2010 at 8:19 pm #

    Sigh. I have been guilty of probably all of those traits! Possibly why I am still single! But I am getting better… definitely not being ‘too available’ which can get translated to ‘too easy’. I’ve learned that the hard way, easy come, easy go. Though you are right about the precarious balance between too available and too ice queen.
    No wonder we are all so confused!
    PS I love your blog!

    • Lucie Stevens August 16, 2010 at 7:34 pm #

      Thanks for reading mindybeaver. Yes it is a tricky balance but I’m sure with a bit of practice we’ll all get there!


  1. Black list part 2: what women dislike about single men « My manMap - July 29, 2010

    […] Jul Last week you may have read my post on an article in the SMH by Samantha Brett about what men dislike about single women. This week, […]

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