Finding single guys: as simple as A, B…H…

16 Aug

manMap find love in a glassOne of the biggest hurdles many single women face is learning to feel comfortable and relaxed when they’re out. Many of us seize up and panic when faced with an unknown single guy. I find that I have no problem talking to women, gay guys or spoken-for men I’ve just met. But put a single, straight man in front of me and the parasitic Gremlin of Negative Chatter that lives in my mind pipes up, making me self-conscious and tongue-tied. And although conducting surveys (almost up to 400!) has helped me get over my shyness, when I don’t have the comfort of a pile of paper, a pen and my usual spiel, I revert back to my former state of awkwardness.

It’s comforting to know that it’s not just women who suffer from this affliction. While surveying on the weekend, I met two really nice guys enjoying an afternoon beer. We had a great conversation about how difficult it can be to speak to strangers. One of the guys said he’d sometimes see a girl he thought looked nice when he was out. He’d want to say hi to her but the memories of previous poor reception from women would stop him. He’d end up going home wishing he’s said something to her.

It seems past experiences are getting the better of lots of us. This guy was good-looking, friendly, smart and considerate (he offered me a seat!). I really enjoyed speaking to him and his mate, and I’m certain many other women would too. But we’ve all hit stalemate because men get knocked back a few times and give up and women aren’t confident enough to approach men.

We go out and we’re surrounded by people we could potentially really like, but we don’t have the courage to find out.

Sadly there’s no magic wand to solve this problem. I suppose all we can do is keep in mind that we’re all human beings with the same insecurities and do our best to get over our fears. One thing that can help is finding spaces you’re comfortable in while still making sure you’re getting out of your social rut.

One place I’ve had great success surveying in, partially because the bar manager was so supportive and partially because I felt so comfortable there, is the AB Hotel in Glebe. One of the things I love most about the AB is the range of areas it has. Regardless of your mood, there’ll be something to suit you at the AB.

Boasting seven different areas, each with its distinct personality, you’ll be certain to find a corner of the AB that’s right for you. Downstairs you can grab a shandy and a spot on the couch to watch the game with the boys. Relax with the sky above your head in the rear courtyard or challenge some new friends to a game of pool upstairs. If you need a bit of glamour, the cocktail bar on the top floor is a great place to share a bottle of the pub’s own label. But best of all the patrons are friendly and fun, which will make you feel comfortable and relaxed. More than half of the men I surveyed at the AB were single so it’s definitely worth paying a visit to build up your confidence and meet some nice guys. The beer might be the coldest in Sydney, but you’ll leave feeling warm and happy.

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5 Responses to “Finding single guys: as simple as A, B…H…”

  1. beachblogger August 16, 2010 at 7:16 pm #

    Go back! Get his phone number!

  2. ceade August 16, 2010 at 10:13 pm #

    Lucie,
    Be confident and go after what you want. Nothing ventured, nothing gained as they say.

    Or, on the other hand, I don’t think Sydney men like confident women. They may not be particularly confident in themselves. I don’t mean the loudmouths who tell everyone how good they think they are but the genuinely, nice, man who is confident in himself and doesn’t have to swing from trees to prove he’s the king of his own jungle.

    When I was in Switzerland on Mt. Titus, I met a Swiss guy and shared all of about half an hour getting to know him, exchanging e-mails and drinking coffee. He wrote me a few days later while I was still travelling and when I returned to Australia, we communicated via Skype (we could speak to one another with a headset). I met him because I wanted a photo taken and he looked harmless enough so I walked up to him, not knowing whether he could speak English or not, and asked if he wouldn’t mind taking a photo.

    Of course, the distance is so great and it didn’t last but it was fun while it lasted. I had a great time and really, that’s all one should focus on with a guy – having fun! It takes the focus off worrying about yourself. The other trick is to focus on finding out about the other and their values, character etc to decide if they are someone you want to spend more of your valuable time with. If not, then … ‘next!’

    I think Sydney men drink far too much, which doesn’t make for a fully functional and present partner, especially if they spend more time at the pub than making a life. I hope I’m wrong …

  3. Jeremy Lebor August 17, 2010 at 12:09 am #

    So here’s the thing Lucie… Your article hit the nail on the head. Contrary to what most women think, if guys get knocked back often enough, no matter how cute they maybe, the same applies to us… we clam up.

    If a girl comes onto a guy, then women (and some men) think it implies you are ‘easy’ – Thats crap! – There is nothing more of a turn on for a guy than a confident woman… and no, we don’t all think if you come on to us it is a guranteed lay! – The best way to describe it is this… A man wants a confident, not arrogant woman – HUGE difference.

    Recently, I was approached by a woman at a bar… Yup, I am spoken for, but she didn’t know that. This is what she said… ‘Hi, I noticed you from accross the room and I would really like ten minutes of your time. I know I am probably wasting my time, but that’s why I only want ten minutes…’ She got my attention… and yes, we spent an hour and a half chatting!! – Oh, I don’t do the cheating thing, but she would have willingly given me her number if I asked, and vice versa. The moral here is this… If you find someone attractive, they are on their own (meaning no woman present) then approach them. You don’t have to come accross as ‘desperate’ or indeed needy… JUST BE YOU! – It works!

  4. freebiblestudy4singlesbymaryannebed August 18, 2010 at 10:38 am #

    Lucie, I definiitely have to agree with Ceade and Jeremy Lebor that “men like confident women”.God likes confident women too!And how true that- “We are all human beings with the same insecurities”! But, we may also have different insecurities “hot buttons”.Insecurity is endemic to men as well as women.My own insecurity has been a “bad friend” to me leading to one mistake,after another (including a bad marriage)!I strongly encourage anyone to read the book “So Long Insecurity” by Beth Moore. I hope you have the courage to “find out” the truth about what God says about yourself, all the single Sydney men and real happiness/joy!

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