The man drought misconception

27 Sep

It’s no secret that fear is a powerful tool. Stirring up a frenzy among single women is particularly easy when their singleton status is making them feel like a second-rate citizen. I find that this feeling kicks in after a particularly busy week when I decide I need a night in to re-fuel. And for me, staying in means a night alone on the couch, which often results in exposure to a particularly frenzy-inducing tool: the online dating ad.

Some of the ads for online dating services are manageable: happy couples clinking wine glasses or walking through the park. We all see the real-life version every day, so we’ve been desensitised over the course of our single lives. But one makes me curse myself for ruthlessly wasting a night at home while my future husband is no doubt meeting swarms of other women who are prettier, funnier, smarter, sexier, taller, classier and more fashionable than me. It’s the RSVP ad with the girl alone in a bar while a polite male voiceover eliminates all the inappropriate men in the population, concluding that there are only five decent guys left in the universe, “none of which are in this bar.”

This campaign is just plain nasty. It’s designed to make women panic their way into online dating, thinking there’s only a handful of suitable guys left. And this is just not true. The media loves to tell women that the man drought is going to turn them into spinsters and that men are embracing having the upper-hand. Perhaps for a small percentage of the community this is true but it general it’s wrong wrong wrong.

Over the past two weeks I decided to test the theory that men are using the man drought to their advantage. I asked the guys I surveyed if they knew there were more single women than men. Less than 5% did. Most guys were under the impression that there were more men than women, that all the advantages were on the woman’s side and they were the under-dogs. Most of them didn’t feel comfortable approaching women they didn’t know either. So all this hype about men abusing the situation is rubbish, possibly designed to drive women to online dating sites and increase their consumption of wine and chocolate. 

One guy at the Sussex Hotel told me that social demographics are the last thing on a guy’s mind when he’s out. If a girl approaches him to a chat, he’s not going to wonder how he can play her off another woman because he has the advantage. He’s just going to be excited that he’s meeting a new girl.

So ladies, instead of feeling insecure, just go out there and be friendly. Don’t worry that there are more single ladies than men, because the guys don’t even realise. They’re not reading Madison or Cosmo or Ask Sam, which is where these articles generally appear. You can use my blog as an excuse to talk to guys if you don’t know what else to say … oh and maybe show a little skin now that it’s warmer. My informant from the Sussex tells me it really is as simple as that.

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6 Responses to “The man drought misconception”

  1. kate kralj September 28, 2010 at 9:40 am #

    Good blog Luce! Yep, I don’t know any male that would have a clue that there is a ‘man drought’. I once had a male friend tell me that those ‘girly’ magazines are just full of rubbish, and that no guys think like that..they would just be stoked if a girl starting talking to them!

    • Lucie Stevens September 28, 2010 at 9:38 pm #

      Thanks for visiting Kate. Yes I think there are a lot of publications out there that have a lot to answer for…

  2. Good Luck September 28, 2010 at 12:25 pm #

    Nice blog Lucie, relevant and well written.

    Calm down though ladies, there really are plenty of us to go round =) No need to start cracking each others heads open and feasting on the goo inside.

    Online Dating? Hehe OK, its an option. But one probably best left until you have exhausted all your other viable options.

    Katie’s pretty close “they would just be stoked if a girl starting talking to them!” Luce maybe do another survey and ask the guys, when was the last time a female that you didn’t know, spoke to you, that you thought might be romantically interested in you? The results would be interesting.

    Ladies I’m afraid to say it, but these days, if you want a good man, however you wish to define good – you’re probably going to have to try. The odds of the man your dreams walking up to you followed by a happily ever after.. are not in your favor, even for the hottest girls (just in case you thought they were)

    • Lucie Stevens September 28, 2010 at 9:40 pm #

      Thanks for visiting GL. What would be your top tip for women when they’re approaching men??

      • Good Luck September 30, 2010 at 12:06 am #

        Only if you swap us boys your top tip for approaching women lol.

      • Lucie Stevens September 30, 2010 at 10:03 pm #

        I think in general if a guy came up and just said, “Hi, how you are?” in a non-sleazy, friendly way, they’d get a positive response.

        What do other ladies think?

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