Package deal love

22 Mar

The older we get the more inevitable one thing becomes: baggage. We accumulate it, so do the men wemanMap's musings on luggage meet. And if a serious relationship develops we end up with the challenge of fitting two sets of furniture and two sets of baggage into one relationship.

A few weeks ago a single wing-girl said to me, “I’ve realised I’ll either end up with a younger guy or a divorcee.” While this might not be true (time will tell!), there’s definitely honesty in her statement. Women moving into their mid-30s need to accept that odds of them becoming the second wife/partner are pretty high. And if it’s a first marriage/partnership for them, this thought can be confronting.

Ending up with the younger guy has its cons too. With the pressure of procreation growing with every additional birthday candle, women wanting kids have to consider if their man will be happy to be a father earlier than his mates. Will he be content to swap parties for pre-natal classes? Will he grow resentful in a few years because he feels he’s missed out on something?

It’s always said that when the right person comes along, baggage-related issues are dealt with or even embraced because love is stronger. But what happens when baggage can’t be easily stored in the cupboard or cleaned up and donated to Vinnies? What if it’s lifetime luggage, rather than baggage?

On our very raining Sunday, I had a day off surveying and went instead to the Australian Museum with my beautiful cousin and her delightful four-year-old son. Being a wet Sunday, the museum was packed with parents and kids. Some of the daddies were there without mummies. Perhaps Mummy was finally having a day to drink champagne and get a pedicure. Or perhaps Mummy didn’t live with Daddy anymore, and Daddy was fair game. And perhaps playing dinosaurs with Daddy’s little darling was a good way to meet Daddy.

Women often gush at men with babies. There’s something alluring about a set of masculine arms, reeking of strength and security, cradling a baby or cuddling a child. But being faced with the prospect of dating a man with kids is a Big Deal. It’s not even the kids that might make women fearful. The permanent link to the ex and therefore the baggage could end up being the bigger challenge.

When I’m out surveying, the first question I ask single men is, “What are the three most important things in your life?” Men with kids generally list their children – if they didn’t I’d be worried. This means I know they’ve got a family before I know anything else about them. In the dating world, this information isn’t always offered so quickly.

So I wanted to put it out there: ladies, how would you feel about dating a man with kids and how soon would you expect him to tell you?

And just so we’re Even Stevens, the question I’m going to add to this month’s WWWtK options is: would you date a woman with kids? That way, everyone gets a chance to have their say.

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2 Responses to “Package deal love”

  1. The Single Girl March 22, 2011 at 8:13 pm #

    I couldte a guy with the kids…but I guess preferably they’d have to be young – like under 10, cause that way I can become part of their life fairly easy, as compared to if they were teenagers, where they might just see me as dad’s new girlfriend.

    • Lucie Stevens March 23, 2011 at 8:19 pm #

      Yes I agree, I think a younger kid might be more open to accepting you around. They probably wouldn’t see you as invading their home turf as much.

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