Love, Manhattan-style

[With apologies for my terrible formatting…I need to learn html!]

A very belated Happy New Year to everyone and thanks for your patience while I was away. I hope you all had great New Year’s Eves and that a few of you had someone lovely to kiss at midnight.

Today marks the official beginning of manMap 2011. Other than continuing my research and writing my book, I have a few other plans which I’ll tell you about once I’ve got the details in place. The first of these plans is something I’m hoping you’ll find very useful … stay tuned for more news at the end of the week.

Everyone keeps asking me if I fell in love while I was in Manhattan. In truth, I did. I fell in love with a tiny island which is about half a Bay Walk wide and two Bay Walks long (inner west-ers will know what I mean!). The people are friendly and helpful, the men delightfully flirty and the city is oozing with history, culture and delicious baked goods. Three weeks was nowhere near enough time, particularly since I fell in love with Brooklyn too.

In my role as the over-zealous visitor desperate to see and do everything at any cost, I didn’t end up with much time for manMap chores. But everywhere I went, I was reminded that NYC is a city which hopes for love.

Cars became canvasses for love post-blizzard. 

 

 

 

 

 

A couple scratched their love into a staircase in Central Park (or Hyde Park as I accidentally kept saying…).

 

 

 

 

A pot plant reminded people crossing West 16th St that a snow storm is no match for love and a good marker pen. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even in the thick of the financial district, there were hints of love on the fire hydrants.

 

 

 

  

Love in Queens was quirkier, but some people like it that way…

Reminders of love weren’t just on display, they were in the air too. A Broadway musical about the Beatles prompted shops, diners  and restaurants to fill the air with Beatles music. Love is all you need, She loves you, Can’t buy me love, Love me do and Hide your love away (ok…maybe not that one) provided a fitting soundtrack as we explored a city filled with the most unapologetic flirts I’ve ever met.

So there’s a little taste of manMap in Manhattan. Don’t forget to stop by at the end of the week for the grand-unveiling of manMap 2011’s new and exciting feature!

Things I love about Manhattan men

Hi lovely readers,

My apologies for the lengthy silence. Manhattan is a very distracting city. The days pass so quickly that I can’t keep track of them. I did want to let you know I haven’t forgotten you though, and share some things I love about the men here:

• they’re extremely friendly
• they hold doors open for you (very helpful when carrying many bags)
• they’re polite and helpful
• they love to flirt (even when they’re at work in the M&M shop)
• they’ll heap compliments on you for no apparent reason.

So far our favourite compliment has been, “I love your energy.” This was offered to us by a train conductor, who then blew us a kiss when we reached our stop. Manhattan men definitely know how to make a single girl smile.

Next week is relaxation week in Mexico, so you won’t hear from me again until February. I hope you all had great New Year’s Eves and that a few of you scored a midnight kiss. 🙂

 

To love and to part

It isn’t possible to love and part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you.

– EM Forster A Room with a View

In a time when travel is engrained in our culture, lovers are often parted. Most of us at some point will be interested in someone from overseas or with plans to relocate. Sometimes it doesn’t matter. Both parties know it’ll be a short-lived romance and embrace the experience without hopes of a future together. Sometimes the pull of love is too strong and people decide to change their plans. And then there are times when parting is inevitable in spite of a couple’s happiness and they must choose to default back to singledom or pursue a long-distance relationship.

I recently had dinner with a lovely wing-girl who’s found herself in this position. She enjoyed a six month relationship with a man who was moving overseas. When she started seeing him, she knew that he wasn’t staying in Sydney and she was, but they got along well and that undefinable something was there so she thought, ‘Why not?’

I really admire that my friend put herself out there despite knowing the relationship had a limited lifespan. I definitely (and to my detriment) possess the ‘don’t get hurt’ reflex that stops me from investing emotionally in something with a known shelf-life. I’m very much a future tense person, sacrificing the present by focussing on what may or may not happen, which is a terrible way to approach love. In Sex and the City, Jack Berger jokes to Carrie, ‘Maybe we should go out on a date before we break up.’ A sentiment I need to keep in mind.

So as you can imagine, it was with some trepidation that I headed to Bondi on Sunday, hoping to catch the post-City to Surf crowd. The eastern suburbs are an area I don’t know much about, other than the fact that they’re filled with temporary residents from across the globe, keen to enjoy beach-life while they’re here. A terrifying prospect for a woman who loves men with accents but fears falling for someone who won’t stay in the Land of Oz for long.

After recovering from the shock of seeing the huge queues of people waiting for a bus back to the city, I set about surveying the men enjoying the sun and salt-laced air. The first group of guys I approached were having a great laugh and they were friendly too. But sadly they were Irish guys living in Melbourne, so no luck there. The next batch were Sydney-siders plus one European who’d settled in Bondi. The third were all very attractive with insanely white teeth but didn’t speak English. Not very conducive to surveying. As I worked my way from group to group across the grass I felt like I was at the opening ceremony of the Olympics. There were guys from all over the world relaxing in the sun. In fact the international crowd outnumbered the local crowd, but I suspect all the Aussies were at the pub.  

So if you’re looking for someone exotic, I recommend heading to Bondi on a sunny day. Those of you not into the bar scene should strategically position your picnic basket near a cluster of guys on the grass. Hopefully they’ll speak English (or you’re multilingual) so you can invite them to share the food you’ve brought. Pavlova anyone?

Product placement

If there’s one thing that clutters our waking hours more than anything else, it’s advertising. Everywhere we go, virtually or in reality, products and services vie for our attention. Corporate branding is a huge industry and billions of dollars are spent in an attempt to create loyal consumers. So when my friend* told me Carrie Bradshaw had switched from a Mac to an HP, I felt a little sad. As a major SATC fan, I’d come to associate the glowing apple on Carrie’s laptop with moments of modern-day philosophy and reflection. I felt sure the “real” Carrie (ie. the one from the series) would never have sold out. After all, she valued her Carrie necklace above Petrovsky’s diamonds.

So what does this have to do with being a single woman? Well, my friend showing me the sparkling HP USB stick she’d picked up at the SATC2 premier made me think about product placement in social environments. While I never like to consider myself as a product, on a superficial level I know I am. We all know that how we look and behave communicates something about who we are.

It’s our personal advertising campaign.

And like all good campaigns, we can be strategic about when and where we invest our advertising resources.

Next time you go out with your wing-girls, think about where you position yourselves in the room. Sitting in a dark corner makes it hard for you to be noticed. Perfect if you’re on an intimate date, not so useful if you’re dateless. Pick a spot that’ll allow you to interact without being intimidated (or intimidating!). Is there a table people walk past to get to the bar? Are you in the line of vision when guys walk in? Ok, you won’t want to sit right outside the men’s bathroom, but somewhere with lots of man-traffic is good. Don’t be afraid to change positions during the night to see who else is about. 

The most important thing is to relax and enjoy the company of your fellow wing-girls. That way you’re guaranteed to have a great night and go home happy, whether you meet a guy or not. And of course, when people see you having fun with your friends, they’ll realise you’re someone worth getting to know. When I’m out surveying, I always approach men who look open and friendly, and who are interacting with each other in a way that shows they’re decent guys. That’s the kind of man-ad that grabs my attention. And a woman with a smile on her face, surrounded by happy friends, is a powerful advertising campaign too.    

* A BIG thank you to the wing-girl formerly of the Pinky Palace, for the fabulous photography.

A man for cold seasons

Being single and living alone isn’t easy. There’s no one to help you with heavy bags, no one to wrap your bleeding foot in a towel if you step on a sewing needle (note to self: don’t leave needles lying around) and no one to change the light bulb that’s just beyond your reach.

During the warmer months there’s always plenty to distract you: balmy nights in open-air bars, holidays with single friends, half-naked men at the beach and in the park. People have more energy to invest in socialising and invitations collide, keeping your diary full and your glass topped up.

But as the weather cools and the number of layers you wear increases, so does your awareness of singledom. If you feel like a lazy night in because it’s pouring outside, you have to spend it alone if your friends aren’t up for the commute to your place. And sometimes there’s nothing wrong with flannelette pjs, a bottle of wine and the Sex and the City boxed set, but no one wants to spend every winter weekend by themselves.

That’s why there’s a special man in my life who’s always at hand when the mercury drops.

A friend introduced us a few years ago and I’ve cherished him ever since. While I find I don’t need him in summer, as soon as daylight savings ends and it’s dark by the time I get home, I look him up and he takes the edge off being single.

So I’d like to introduce you to my winter man: Herbie the Love Hug. Herbie makes single life more bearable when it’s cold outside and there’s no one to snuggle up to in bed. A wonderfully scented wheat-bag made by Annabel Trends, you can buy your own Herbie for around $25. He might not take you out to dinner or buy you flowers, but he never hogs the doona and he’ll keep you warm all night.

Elephant theory

I stumbled upon an interesting theory about why some women feel the need to be pursued. Do you think it’s true?

Do women deliberately push men to reassure themselves that they are the chosen one?