Sydney must be keeping the banner industry in business. Every other week a new set of banners is installed along George Street, advertising the latest festival. From food and wine to art festivals, or celebrations of multiculturalism, coffee or music, there’s sure to be a festival (or two!) which interests you.
Festival events can be a great place to meet new men, as long as you’re strategic. Choose your festival wisely. Opera in the Domain, won’t attract as many single men in their early 30s as Sydney Festival’s Keystone Bar. Film festivals are fun, but you’ll have a better chance of chatting to men at Tropfest than you will inside a cinema.
It can be a daunting walking into a crowded festival, but there’s another way you can use events to meet men. Keep your eye on Sydney’s list of festivals. A few weeks before an event, think about people you know but don’t regularly socialise with. They might be friends of friends you’ve met a few times, or work acquaintances. Send out a group email, organising a meeting place and encouraging everyone to invite their friends. That way, you’ll meet new people through mutual friends. After a few hours of picnicking, the dynamic of the festival will take over and you might find yourself exchanging numbers with a lovely man sitting on the next picnic rug.
Well it’s been an age and a bit since I last posted, which is very negligent but I hope you’ll forgive me when you hear why. The end of 2011 turned out to be a wonderful succession of good news for me. After I received my ASA mentorship, my novel and I were awarded a fellowship from the NSW Writers’ Centre. And after that I was offered a job at the Australian Society of Authors. All these events made me realise that it’s time to put manMap aside and focus of finishing my novel, which is my true (writing) love.
manMap has been a fantastic experience and although it’s ending prematurely, I don’t regret any of the nights I traipsed through Sydney alone, in search of single men. I feel more confident talking to strangers and I visited places I’d never ventured before. Over the course of my 623 interviews, I went to 55 different pubs, bars and public spaces and of course, entered the Land of Blogging. I met some great people and only had a handful of bad experiences, which goes to show that at the end of the day, we’re human beings and most of us are willing to help someone else out.
To give manMap the ending I feel it deserves, I’ve decided I’d post the sections of my manMap guidebook which I’d already written, in the hope that you’d find it useful. I’ll post once a week until I run out of manuscript. Apologies for any double-ups that occur because I’ve posted info as I interviewed over the past eighteen months.
Thank you so much for your support, comments, emails and well-wishes. I hope 2012 is a year filled with all the things you’ve been hoping for.
Well, what can I say, I’ve been a BAD blogger the past week: failing to post, then promising to post, then not posting. I apologise. I hope the guys out there don’t think this is a reflection on how I’d behave in The Land of Dating…
The reason I’ve been so unreliable is because last week I had some ENORMOUS news, which occupied most of my head space and a large chunk of my time. You see, while manMap is a project that I love and have been working on for some time, I have a confession to make: manMap is not my only love.
For what feels like about a lifetime, I have been working on another writing project, a novel. manMap pushed my novel to the sidelines, demanding my time for surveying and blogging and the making of enormous spreadsheets. Like an attention-seeking child, it occupied most of my non-working time while my poor little novel waited in the corner for the moment it could spring back into my arms. Last Monday, this moment came.
As previously blogged, I’ve been busy chores with a few applications. One of these was the Australian Society of Authors mentorship program, where 15 emerging writers each get adopted by a published author to workshop their writing. On Monday, I found out that I was one of the lucky ones to be awarded a mentorship.
I’m beyond thrilled about being one of the chosen few, but this means I have Much Work To Do. I really want to make the most of this experience, so I need to spend the next month or so spending some quality time with my novel, so she’s ready to be ripped apart and analysed by my mentor.
So I hope you will forgive me, lovely readers, if I hang up my blogging and mapping hats for a space. Big apologies particularly to my new subscribers. I feel like you’ve been drawn in, only to be dumped. I hope you’ll keep reading in October, even if it’s quiet in September.
Keep an eye on the manMap facebook page so you know when I’m blogging again. I’ll drop by in an non-official capacity now and then. Until next time, I’d like to share with you a funny story.
A single guy-friend of a wing-girl was out with a mate the weekend before last. His quirky sense of humour inspired him to write this:
on a coaster and stick it on the table in front of him. Sure enough, it caught the attention of a few girls, who he invited to join him and his friend at their table. He hit it off with one of them and ended up going on a date with her on Saturday night (not sure how the date went, but snaps to him for his novel approach to dating). There you have it ladies: lateral dating strategies at work!
Happy Spring to you all and be sure to drop me a line if you have any adventures of your own,
Lucie.
Earlier this week I had some BIG and EXCITING news which has swallowed up all my blogging time I’m afraid. Check in over the weekend for my explanations and apologies…
As I’m sure you’re aware from my Booklover’s card, I’m a big fan. I love wandering through your shelves, rearranging them so friends’ books are cover-out not spine-out, looking for nerdy guys clutching copies of EM Forster’s work and then choosing something new to take home with me (typically a book, not a guy…). But you have betrayed me. And I wonder how, after all these years of devotion, you could be so cruel. And not only to me, but to single women all over Australia.
You see Dymocks, I’m hoping one day my name will appear on one of your shelves (cover-out of course). As part of this process, I had to review books that publishers will see as competition (although I know you know, Dymocks, that none of your books are anything like mine…). This meant I had to spend a few hours in part of you that I rarely if ever visit, that I avoid at all costs: the self-help section.
I don’t object to self-help in theory. It’s just that I remember too well the episode of Sex and the City, where Charlotte discovers the lack of humiliation online book-shopping offers. If this self required help, she would turn to Booktopia for privacy and free shipping. But the philosophy of manMap is the same when it comes to men and books: online research just isn’t as good as research done in person.
And so it was that I set aside a few hours on a Saturday to carefully examine the advice your shelves offered on the topic of Being Single and Wanting to not Be Single. With great trepidation I noticed that your shelves were arranged so almost everyone alighting your escalator would see me in the self-help section, notebook in hand as I scrutinised your current listings. Would it not be kinder to arrange your shelves at an angle, so men on the way to the history section wouldn’t spy the woman nervously leafing throughTextbook RomanceandFinding Your Soulmate?
This was not the extent of your treachery. Coming to the end of your self-help shelves I discovered, with an intense feeling of betrayal, that you had positioned the Wedding Book section next to the Single Women’s section. Why would you do this? Why would you rub salt into the wounded heart that loves you?
And so Dymocks, I would like to suggest a change. You are in a position to help singletons all over the country for very little effort or cost. Please move your ghastly wedding books far far far away from the books for single women and replace them with the Sports section, which is always brimming with men. This simple act could make you the Choreographer of Love, something which will surely give you Great Joy and Satisfaction. If you cannot oblige for reasons this Single Woman can’t imagine, then at least consider switching Wedding Books for Cook Books. That way the forlorn singleton can be consoled with fantasies of Manu or Curtis Stone stirring a pot on her hot-plate. Or at the very least, 101 Ways to Cook with Chocolate might help her deal with The Science of Single.
Once upon a Friday night in winter, three wing-girls set out for a round of mapping followed by dinner. For the sake of story-telling, let’s name the wing-girls according to hair type: Curly, Straight and Short. Mid-dinner, Curly was struck by a strong desire to dance to a cheesy covers band in the Rocks. The others were happy to oblige, even though Short wasn’t particular thrilled by the idea. She was dressed for warmth, not dancing. Lugging a huge coat around a beer-soaked pub wasn’t a particularly appealing idea.
When the trio arrived at the nominated pub, Short went straight to the bar. She was already feeling self-conscious and over-heated thanks to her 900 layers of clothing, so a nice cool vodka seemed to be the best solution. The pub was cramped with people in the mid-20s to early 50s. A strange assortment of office workers, tourists and ‘girls-night-out’ groups mingled on the dance floor, vying for space. It was exactly the kind of scene Short wasn’t into, but since her friends did nice things for her she realised it was a good opportunity to return the favour. She collected her drink, pushed away the negative chatter and slapped on her happy face.
Before long the wing-girls were on the dance floor. Straight was getting all kinds of attention without having to do much other than be her Lovely Self. This was interesting because Curly was also a very Lovely Self and after another vodka, Short was starting not to worry so much about looking out of place. Yet it was Straight alone that caught the men’s fancy. The bolder ones jostled around trying to get a better position of the floor to dance with her and the not so bold ones gave her little sideways glances of appreciation.
Being an avid student of human nature (ie. someone who enjoys staring at people), Short found this fascinating. To her, Curly and Straight were both equally attractive and charming. And yet Straight was chalking up all the points. What was going on? And then Short realised. It was all about outfits.
Short herself wasn’t getting any attention from the guys. She was dressed like she was being sent to a convent in Austria: shapeless shift dress over jeans and a skivvy, with ballet flats designed to withstand the walk home from the station. Nothing about her outfit said, “Hello Man, I think you’d like to talk to me because I’m a woman.” Curly was nicely dressed in a feminine little top and jeans but, being thin-blooded like Short, she was wearing a coat. Yes it was a lovely, fitted red coat, but it was still a coat. On a dance floor. It said to the guys, “I’m not even taking my coat off so don’t bother talking to me.” Straight on the other hand was dressed in her casual Friday work-wear: jeans, heels and a cami under one of those light cardi-top arrangements. She had enough flesh showing to remind men she was a woman but not enough to make her trampy like a lot of other women in the pub. And the men couldn’t get enough of it.
So the moral of the story is this: make sure you wear what’s appropriate for the venue you’re going to. If you’ve never been there before, do a bit of research. Look at the website or ask someone who’s been before. Over-dressing is just as dangerous as under-dressing. You don’t want to turn up at the Old Fitz or Cricketer’s dressed like you should be at Marble Bar. Make sure your clothes are pitched to the right market so you feel comfortable and confident when you get there. That way you’re more likely to get the kind of attention you’re hoping for.
Well it seems I’m not the only one out there asking guys questions about values, beliefs and goals. Ask Men, in conjunction with Cosmopolitan, has just released its 2011 Great Male Survey. Here are some of my highlights about Aussie guys:
68% believe in marriage and think it’s worth preserving
only 22% don’t think about whether or not a new girlfriend has ‘wife’ potential
a sense of loyalty was seen as a more important quality than a sense of humour or a caring/nurturing attitude. Intelligence was seen as the least important quality of the four mentioned here.
almost half the guys surveyed were single (still hunting the stats on how many guys were surveyed but still, it’s a good sign!).
most thought they should pay for dates until the relationship was established.
only 12% had successfully internet dated. Most of them don’t use the internet to date.
85% said they won’t care if they were in a relationship with a woman who made more money than them.
only 19% said they tried to be romantic most of the time, but the bulk of men tried to be romantic fairly regularly. Three out of four guys said that feeling close to their partner was what motivated them to be romantic.
46% of guys thought dating someone from their office was a bad idea. So ladies, what we need to remember to do, is to introduce all our single work colleagues to our single wing-girls. That way we can help everyone out!
Given the choice of being Superman, Batman, Iron Man, Wolverine, or Spider-Man, the most popular superhero was Superman. I was surprised about this. I thought all Batman’s gadgets would get him the votes.
I’m curious to know whether guys and girls are on the same page with superhero fantasies. Given the choice, who would you date?
Leave a comment if there’s another superhero that takes your fancy (He-Man anyone??).
When it comes to love, my hobbies have always let me down. My teen years were dominated by two things: reading and horse-riding. As previously posted, I always hoped I’d find some boy-nerd clutching a dog-eared copy of my favourite book, but I knew it was a long shot. Riding, the only sport I’ve ever managed to do with any level of skill, didn’t prove helpful on the romantic front either. Even when I belonged to the local pony club, the only boys there were the young ones being dragged along with their elder sisters.
By the time I started uni, I’d switched riding for writing, but this didn’t improve the situation. In a way, it actually made it worse. I suddenly found myself surrounded by smart, funny, articulate men who loved the written word. But most of them were gay. I felt like I was on the end of an elaborate trick the universe had choreographed.
Over the next decade, I tried to find other things I enjoyed doing that men might like to do too, but it seemed that everything attracted the wrong kind of men (ie. ones way too old for me). And so it was that one day in my early 30s, I asked my older, very sociable, brother what he and his friends liked to do. I held my breath while he thought for a moment. The Holy Grail had never felt so close. And then he answered:
We like to drink, and we like to watch car races.
Now anyone reading this who doesn’t know my brother has probably got the complete wrong idea about what sort of person he is. Contrary to his devastating response, he’s not some liver-diseased yobbo who spends his weekends in Bathurst watching cars go round in circles. He’s a well-educated, smart and charismatic man who’s spent the last 18 years working in the arts industry. His response threw me into a whirlpool of despair. Was it possible I’d have to embrace man-stuff like football and race tracks to meet guys? Did this mean I’d be condemning myself to weekends of footy-tips and the smell of burning rubber?
It was this conversation with my brother that actually initiated manMap. I realised the only way I could ever find out what Sydney men were up to was to interview them myself. Still, I wasn’t ready to give up hope that somewhere out there was a man whose hobbies might be compatible with my own. So I ask the men I map what they do in their spare time. And instead of telling you what the most popular hobbies are, tonight I’m going to honour the quirky men of Sydney, the ones who, like me, probably think they’ll never find someone who can appreciate how they spend their non-work hours, the activities that fill them with a glee that gets them through the stress and demands of all the other bits of life.
Unsung hobbies of single Sydney men:
Going to museums (and he was a chef!)
Theatre (yes he was straight…)
Graphic design (yep…straight)
Living a hassle-free life (ok, bit lateral but I can see how it would take a certain level of commitment)
Trivia
Violence (hmmm…can’t understand why I didn’t ask for his number…)
Getting stoned
Spending time with his dog
Watching Foxtel
Being busy
DJ-ing
Studying wildlife (I wonder if this is a euphemism).
If you’ve got a hobby that’s helped you meet men, please share it by leaving a comment. You might inspire a single-sister to give it a go!
When you’re a 30-something singleton, it’s easy to become despondent, especially during winter. You see the 20-somethings trotting around on Friday nights in their short dresses and non-bulky coats, trying to keep warm as they wait for taxis to whisk them off to a club you have no desire to visit. And you think,
I can’t be bothered. It’s freezing. I don’t want to risk pneumonia for the sake of exposing flesh.
By the time we’ve hit our 30s, many of us are dealing with more responsibility, and often more stress, at work. If you’ve had a busy workday, you’ll probably feel like a quiet, cosy night with a few friends instead of big night out involving a effort on your part. The problem is though, you can end up missing out on a bit of fun and silliness.
I’m the first to admit I’m guilty of Crimes Against Fun and Silliness. Between a busy publishing job, survey guys, blogging, finishing a novel and seeing family and friends, frivolity is frequently de-prioritised. But I’ve noticed that a night of lighthearted fun often gives me a much needed mood-boost. Even if it involves a late night, I usually have a lot more energy for my many schemes the next day. And I think I’ve finally realised why this is.
Every now and then single ladies need a bit of obligation-free flirting, just to remind them that they’re women. Even if you know nothing is going to eventuate for whatever reason, a bit of male attention can really warm up a cold winter night. I saw this happen a few weeks ago when I grabbed a mid-week drink in the city with three wing-girls. Two of them were well into their second bottle when I arrived. Sitting with them was a good-looking guy who they’d started chatting to and had invited to join them. There was no way that anything was going to happen with this guy. He was nice, funny, cute and friendly. But he was also a good decade younger than us and had made mention of his girlfriend (in fact he was running late to meet her…clearly not great boyfriend material!). And even though the conversation didn’t have a particularly strong sexual undercurrent, we all enjoyed a bit of a casual flirt. When we finally went our separate ways, we did so with big grins.
So I thought I’d share with you a few places I’ve mapped that are perfect if you’re looking to meet guys without the pressure of a hardcore meat-market vibe.
Percentage of surveyed men who were single: 69%
Percentage of surveyed men in a relationship who have single friends: 100%
Prime time: Friday and Saturday nights
Crowd: Straight, fashionable, crowd-conscious guys who are ready to flirt.
How many wing-girls you should take: As many as you like but don’t create an intimidating crowd.
What to wear: Glam casual
Top tip: Catch the post-work crowd on Friday then stay for the later-comers.
The Monkey Bar is true to its name. It’s definitely a bar, not a pub and for singles, it’s a playground. Although it’s known as a place to pick up, don’t be put off. The men are friendly, fun and usually not sleazy. The light-hearted mood makes it perfect for flirting. Catch the locals after work on a Friday, then stay for a dance. As the music gets louder, more and more non-locals will join you on the dance floor. Be careful not to get tucked away upstairs or at the short end of the bar. Just like in real estate, location counts!
Manography
Ages of single men:
20-30: 27%
31-40: 27%
41+: 46%
Professions: Corporate strategy, engineering, trade, customer service, entertainment, finance, IT, science and technology
Interests and hobbies: sport socialising, travel, water sports and music
Men who socialise here also like hanging out at: The London (Balmain)
Percentage of surveyed men who were single: 77%
Percentage of surveyed men in a relationship who have single friends: 100%
Prime time: Friday and Saturday nights
Crowd: Blokey, live music lovers. Younger crowd upstairs. Student nights during the week.
How many wing-girls you should take: As many as you like. The space is big enough for all your friends.
What to wear: Casual downstairs, sexy casual upstairs
Top tip: Chat to guys before the music starts so you’ve got a reason to dance with them during the set.
The Marly is layered with possibilities. At street level, the boys are ready to appreciate live music over a beer. It might be too loud for conversation but bonding over a favourite song is a great way to make new friends. Venture upstairs to the Level One cocktail bar for more sophistication. If someone takes your fancy, lead the way downstairs to The Cellar where the lighting’s low and the leather couches are perfect for getting better acquainted. Check the website for events like State of Origin screenings. They’re sure to bring in the boys!
Manography
Ages of single men:
<20: 10%
20-30: 50%
31-40: 40%
Professions: Sports industry, media defence, engineering, finance, IT, community services
Interests and hobbies: Socialising, sport, drinking, sex, watching tv
Men who socialise here also like hanging out at: Clock Hotel, AB Hotel
On the other side of the Bridge, try The Oaks in Neutral Bay. I’m yet to map there but every time I’ve been we’ve met heaps of nice guys, particularly playing pool.
If you’re not in the mood to go out on a cold night, you might prefer to stay in and check out this fab website I stumbled on: Men In This Town. It’s a fashion-focused journal of men in Sydney. A lot of the shots are candid, which I think makes them fascinating. Enjoy!
Not every winter weekend is as blissfully sunny as the one we just had. The first time I mapped at The Courthouse in Newtown it was pouring. Luckily, I was able to squish my little car into an equally little spot near the door. A few hops later I was in the warmly buzzing heart of pub.
The Courthouse is a great place to spend a drizzly evening because everyone’s pushed from the courtyard and into the main area around the bar. It’s a friendly crowd, which makes mingling easy. Plus you can switch sides of the bar between drinks if you want to check out what’s happening on the other side of the room. Here’s what I discovered in my mapping sessions there:
Percentage of surveyed men who were single: 60%
Percentage of surveyed men in a relationship who have single friends: 100%
Busiest times: Friday nights and Sundays. Very popular on public holidays when lots of non-locals drop by.
Crowd: Mixed crowd of locals or people who work nearby. Good blend of artistic and sporty guys who are friendly and ready to chat.
Wing-girls: Three at most.
What to wear: Funky casual
Top tip: The courtyard is a great place for dinner if it’s not raining but be sure to move back to the bar when you’re finished, where it’s easier to approach men and be approached.
The Courthouse has a similar vibe to The London Hotel in Balmain. After work, local residents and employees gather around the bar to wind down. Although the crowd’s mixed, there are plenty of straight men whose relaxed and friendly natures make them approachable. The pub attracts a broad range of ages too, helpful for the more mature lady. Sport is usually on the TV screen near the bar. Why not cheer on your team with the men? The pub has a strong Newtown personality: diverse, artistic, socially conscious and open-minded. If you like the neighbourhood, you’ll love the men at The Courthouse.
Manography
Ages of single men:
<20: 0%
20-30: 44%
31-40: 23%
41+: 33%
Professions: Media, community services, mining, corporate strategy
Interests and hobbies: Sport; socialising; beer/creative pursuits
Clubs: Writing group; live music group; cycling club, scuba club, sailing club, trivia
Top responses to the question “What are the three most important things in your life?”: Family and friends (56%); career/alcohol (33%); books and reading (22%)
Other places these men like to socialise: Kelly’s on King; Gaslight Inn; Toxteth Hotel
Sydney suburbs these guys like best: Newtown, Erskineville, Glebe, Surry Hills
So next time it’s raining, instead of staying in with a DVD and a block of Cadbury’s, why not head to The Courthouse and warm up by chatting to the guys there instead.
Single Sydney-sider Lucie Stevens is on a mission to locate the 352,000 single men living in her city. Weary of media reports about the 'man drought' making her and her single friends hyperventilate, she drafted a survey and hit the streets, asking random men if they were single, what their interests were and most importantly, where they socialised. This blog follows her quest to answer the question: where are all the single men in Sydney?
My manMap 